Treat Your Nervous System Like A Beloved Pet
Visual aid of my dog Gobi, because it makes my nervous system happy.
Deep belly breath in...deep belly breath out...Feel your feet on the ground. Look around and notice the space you’re in.
In this moment, are you safe?
If the answer is yes, let’s help your body understand. It’s okay to feel safe when you are safe.
Even in uncertain and scary times, allowing ourselves to feel safe in the moments when we are safe helps us to have the energy, resilience, connection and resourcefulness to face future threats. These moments of calm allow us to take wise action and better meet the challenges facing us and our communities.
Try this idea on and see how it feels: to borrow from Mary Oliver, imagine that the “soft animal of your body” is a beloved pet. This loyal pet can be cuddly, playful and affectionate, but it's also on the lookout for danger, ready to jump into guard dog mode to protect you.
I’ll use my very sweet, anxious dog Gobi as an example. The other day when my fire alarm chirped to alert me that the battery was low, Gobi jumped into action, barking and racing to check for danger. This is an adaptive survival strategy: his ability to move into states of alertness and action helps keep him and his loved ones safe. But after I checked the situation and found that it was a (literal) false alarm, Gobi continued to be terrified, alternating between barking and trembling in fear. I needed to communicate to him that we were safe and it was okay to settle back into a state of calm. He doesn’t communicate with words, though, so I soothed him by holding him close, showing him my deep breaths and relaxed body language, and using a soft tone of voice. After a few minutes he jumped off my lap, shook his body, and then happily turned his attention to a toy.
Like Gobi, your nervous system does not speak in words. It speaks through sensations. Your body associates some sensations with being in danger (fight, flight or freeze mode), while it associates other sensations with being safe (rest, digest and connect mode). While some of these physical processes and sensations are not within your direct control, there are a few special keys where you have the power to change the sensation and communicate to your beloved pet of a body that you are safe now. I’m going to walk you through a few of these sensations using an exercise we’ll call Earth, Air, Water, and Light (adapted from Maria Masciandaro's work).
🌎 Earth: feel your feet on the ground, and notice where your body meets the furniture that holds you. Feel the gravity connecting you to the earth. If you’d like, you can imagine you have roots growing far and wide, giving you a sense of sturdiness.
🍃 Air: place your hand below your belly button and take a few slow, steady breaths into your low belly. I like to inhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, and exhale for a count of 8. Any long, deep belly breaths will show your body that you aren’t running or fighting (in which case you’d be panting shallow, rapid breaths), and you aren’t hiding or playing dead (in which case you’d be holding your breath).
💧 Water: bring your attention to your mouth and notice if there’s moisture there. Invite more saliva to be created. This lets your body know that it’s safe enough to devote energy to eating and digesting food, rather than using all its resources to fight, flee or hide.
✨ Light: see if you can soften your gaze, relaxing the muscles around your eyes and imagining you have a half smile. When you're in danger, you get tunnel vision as you look with intense focus for potential threats. By softening your gaze and creating a wider lens, you can communicate to your body that your current surroundings are safe.
This Earth, Air, Water and Light exercise is always available to you. The only things you need are your body and your awareness. Try using it in the moments when you know you're physically safe, but your beloved and loyal body hasn't quite caught up. If you try it out, I'd love to hear how it goes.